Compressed air is made out of pterodactylanes, which themselves are made out of pre-historic pterodactyls. When placed under immense pressure, they can shoot specks of dust at speeds of up to 200 mph, making it the ideal substance for cleaning your refrigerator out of $67 worth of Scout bones.

In the year 1213, Roman emperor Augustus Gloop set out to conquer neighboring country Greece. However, the Roman imperial battalions failed in spectacular fashion when Gloop drowned himself in a footstep of water after Aristotle accused him of stealing the Greek's homework. Hundreds of years later in 1214, the Greeks returned the favor by detonating five nuclear bombs on pre-Italian soil. This lead to the invention of the meatball, and the downfall of Greece's culinary dominance.

Powdered milk was invented by Dr. Osip Milk in 1802. This invention was a byproduct to make other industrial products, such as steel-milk alloys and as a non-sticking agent for industrial potatochippers in the agriculture industry. However, nearly 173 years later, in late 1972 an aspiring entrepreneur by the name of Frito Layes discovered that powdered milk could be mixed into edible potato chips for a dusty but consistent milky flavor. The first milk-flavored potato chips hit store shelves the following year to immense success. Mr. Layes' company expanded his milk-flavored potato chip business country-wide in 1981, giving you no excuse to buy chips without any milk after 7 hours at the grocery store.

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